Friday, 7 January 2011

Victory explosions - A realistic application

Victory explosions can refer to the terrorist team winning a round of Counter-Strike on a DE map, the last kaboom of that really hard boss you just defeated or the title of a crude sexual act defined on Urban Dictionary (coming soon, maybe). For this blog entry however I am talking about them in the context of the showers of glitter and happiness that your in-game avatar receives when they level up or learn something new, usually in an RPG.

Having finally become a man of the modern world, I now have an underused Twitter account and have started jogging occasionally in an effort to help my body use up the layers of beer and melted cheese that it stubbornly insists on keeping. The trouble I am finding in the early stages of this new found running endeavour is the lack of satisfaction it delivers.

It kind of reminds me of the later stages of RPG games, when levelling up becomes so infrequent that earning experience towards the next level is a real grind with a benefit that’s very difficult to see in the short term. When you hit that barrier though and the sparks of success gather in a pool around your toes before spraying skyward in jubilation, it feels like you’ve really done something well.

For this reason I propose the manufacture of pyrotechnic running shoes that periodically explode with nice things after set distances, with the timer resetting for a slightly longer period between each detonation.

In this age of easy to get achievements the very first explosion would of course occur the first time that you put the shoes on your feet. For this reason, I suggest that a safety tab be fitted that prevents explosions until it has been removed. This measure of safety will save the hands and faces of the devoted shop assistants who may help you when trying on the shoes.

After the initial achievement explosion you are required to run a further mile before you trigger the next. From here, the distance required to ‘level up’ at jogging will increase by a factor of two until you reach level five at 15 miles. From this point onwards each level up explosion will have a red hue and the multiplier for miles covered will increase to three.

This new colouration will denote the more experienced runners who can jog and indeed power walk circles around you, giving the novice jogger a chance to jog up the next available alleyway out of pure shame. Some may argue that a pedometre is suffice at telling you how far that you have travelled, but such people are small minded and do not see the attraction of random explosive devices being detonated at ground level to signify achievement.

Such a product will make jogging and indeed most walking related activities more thrilling and worthwhile. The shoes would also come with some rather amusing warning labels that discourage you from running in the London marathon and wearing the trendy footwear to packed bars and clubs.

There, another example of how things that happen in games coming to reality would make the world a better place.

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